Who am I?

Who am I?

I asked as I sat

No-one answered

This mind-voice always there still chattering away 

This imposter inside

Posing as my true self

So I asked this voice – who are you and from were do you arise?

 

Suddenly, I envisioned a mini-me in the middle of a huge room

space on space

 

A room bare except for tiled walls 

floor creamy white. smooth

voice shouting from mini-me

“Who am I” over and over again 

echos bounce against the cold hard walls

 

Mini-me shrinks to a walnut lump on the floor

Only to disappear in a ‘puff’ of….. wind? 

 

In that very moment, something expanded

Was it me? 

I became 

Was it….everything?

 

Weird expansive non-feelings 

To be

In everything

And everything in me

 

Just a moment or two

Laughing out loud

Joy coursing through me, 

Through to the core 

 

This raucous laughter shocked me

So loud and repetitive and 

coming from me sitting here 

in my living room 

 

Not like I laugh, ever

Eyes opening with surprise

I’m home

Nothing different.

Everything changed. 

 

Stephanie Mohan

First written 14th July 2011 after mediation

Pic: gift of orchids received 9th Dec

Rewritten for publication Dec 10th 2012

Image

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Categories: Reflections

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