I was quietly sitting just now – not meditating – just quietly sitting.
And an insightful thought arose – that as far back as I can remember in my life, I have feared the disapproval of others. Amongst many labels that I have put on this, I have often labelled this as fear of conflict and I have even more often labelled it as being a feeling of being controlled by others.
When I think I about to do or say something that may displease the “other” person, there are a number of unwholesome patterns that can and often will arise. One of them is a strong feeling that what they have said or done is an attempt to control me eg telling me what to do ….and so I respond by acting as if I have been told what to do or how to live.
What is really happening is that what they have said or done does not resonate or agree with me in someway, but a deep fear of disapproval stops me from confidently putting forward a different point of view or doing whatever I prefer to do – instead the old patterns run and turn what would really be just a minor disagreement into a major misunderstanding.
When the “insightful” thought arose just now, I immediately did a google on fear of disapproval and the universe that is google sent me a link to the attached article by the dear “Tiny Buddha” – she captures a lot of what I am writing here and more in her article, so I won’t go on…instead, I will just take the opportunity in this moment to share the article and give the inner child within me a tender hug.
With metta, Stephanie